we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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