the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
