dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize