I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
