After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
