my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
