Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
