How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
