I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Vodka?
Forever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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