I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
