Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she pinky promised me she was 18
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
