I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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