Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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