It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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