you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
