I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize