You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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