Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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