I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize