The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
