I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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