What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
