it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
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