I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my poor anus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
