you inspire me to be a worse person
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
