She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
