Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
