I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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