there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
