so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
