bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
