A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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