I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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