I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize