Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize