Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
