if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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