How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize