I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
