he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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