And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
