Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
