Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
