you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm too high and old for this...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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