my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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