I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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