i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
