Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
