I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
