I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
