The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
