I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
