So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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