Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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