I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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