I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
