I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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