you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is Oprah even human
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
