Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
