The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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