So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
