I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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