He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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