wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
