wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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