I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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