I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
